Two Hungry Lions Come Upon an

 Elephant About to Eat Marijuana

 

Hey, Elephant. How ya doing? We see you enjoying

a ganja snack. Mind if we claw some of it back?

We’re lions, you see, so it goes against the grain

of our nature to stand idly by watching you eat

your cannabis and listening to you smack your lips.

 

In fact, it kinda ticks us off. We consider it rude and

anti-social that you refuse to be jovial and don’t wanna

share your marijuana. Such inhospitality sets our minds

ill at ease and actually gives us panic attacks. So Elephant,

do heed my note of urgent warning, for I’m not playing:

 

We, the Kings of Beasts, would rather jump on that tasty

sativa and take it down like a juicy zebra. Even now our

blood runs hot and our paws strain in the blocks with all

we got not to charge at you. No offense. I’m just saying

it’s rough being a lion always out looking to slay things.

 

ELEPHANT REPLIES

 

 Now look here Lions. I worked hard for this marijuana.

 Under the blazing African sun on the Savanna I stood

 with great patience shading this cannabis plant when it

 was trying to grow in spite of mosquitoes, bees and ants.

 

 And when all those insects crawled and flew around

 I furiously flapped my massive ears, dashing them to

 the ground where, using my mighty elephant feet, I

 ground them into bug meat. Now you’re telling me

 you feel you deserve a big piece of my ganja treat?

 

THE LIONS TAKE A MENACING STEP FORWARD

 

Okay, Elephant. We get your drift and take your point.

But wouldn’t it be decadent and time not well-spent

If you caused great resentment by eating all the buds?

 

You shouldn’t hesitate to share with chums! We don’t

want to get into a scrum that could lead into a bloody

outcome when all we need is a few crumbs of your

cannabis sativa to make us so much more agreeable.

 

It’s rough out here. We’re just mellow lions chillin and

trying to get by. Sure we’d like to cop a buzz and get high.

 

ELEPHANT CRIES OUT

 

 I sprayed water on this cannabis from my trunk during

 shriveling droughts so it wouldn’t stunt and I charged at

 hippies who came to pick it on their marijuana hunts. So

 to you who wish to eat it now I say Harumph! Harumph!

 

Elephant grows indignant at this point. Her huge nose gets

all out of joint. Rearing up on her hind legs, she throws her

trunk back oe’r her head and trumpets her acute distress

for miles across the Africa plain: ROAWRR! and ROAWRR!

 

THE LIONS TAKE ANOTHER MENACING STEP FORWARD

Elephant, we’re not philosophers — we’re carnivores and

we salivate. This is why we have to rule out debate. So now

we’re going to charge at you and eat that ganja at your feet.

 

ELEPHANT CRIES OUT AGAIN

 Harumph! Harumph! ROAWRR! ROAWRR!